Hey everyone or anyone who still comes on xanga! Guess wat! I think I might start coming back on, depending on one thing, If I get any comments or not. lol. Well yea a lot of time has passed since the last time I've been on xanga nd I thought it was about time to come back. Well please comment me.

*Winter*

Well today and this whole week has been nothing but tears for me, I've been really sad about watching my grandpa's ash box get burried into the ground in a sort of cemetary.....I haven't been thinking clearly and I've been doing nothing but shedding tears......and I hate the fact that I have hirt people in the process of my idiotic and stupidity of thoughts. I can never repent for that and other things I have done in my past. Thinking of the song angel baby...and a few other songs remind me of granpa ernie.....but then I think wait a minute.....he's never.....coming bak into my life, after missing 12 years he comes back for one, and when he's the sickest he could be, his wife finally lets him call us, on June 25....the day after I turned 12, then he does and leaves me on father's day, so I am left to have a another birthday without him there. and when my birthday came...they gave me a card, that had his name on it....and I cried, so did my mom. *tears shed* But I hate that I couldn't do anything to help him! I was at a frends house that day, and they picked me up early and it was about 4, I was told in the car on the freeway about his death, and I cried untill midnight, on a school night.....but when I got there I ranto his room and no one saw me go inside the house and so many were outside, I entered his room but there were to many people ther, and I froze....just froze while watching his lifeless body. So I ran to a bedroom sat on the floor holding my knees and cried. They tried to comfort me but nothing worked. When they told people to leave his room, they let me enter, and I sat on his chair holding his hand. I kept crying, and just watching him talking to him, but I knew he couldn't respond back. Eventually after a couple of hours past my mom asked if I wanted anytihng to eat, and that  should go eat something since I hadn't eaten that day, but I didn't want to leave his side for a second......Everyone knew how close we were because we had so much in common. But my question is will I go through the same thing he did? We are both asthmatics and I have it bad, when I was smaller I used to go to the emergency room so much I pratically lived there. When it was about 12:05 they said I had to go home and get ready for school the next day, but I didn't want to go anywhere. Eventually I had no choice in the matter and I had to leave, but the whole time I was shedding tears until I couldn't cry anymore, but eveb then I had the feeling I have when I cry......I didn't want to eat much after that, and every time a song that reminded me of him came on....I cried. I always had two lucky ribbons in my hair, every time I went to see him, I had them in my hair, and so when his funeral came, I tied one of them onto his wriste, and kept the other in my hand. I can't handle anything anymore, and to make it all worse. I'm scared to get hurt by anything and or anyone, because I've been through so much and it will never end for me. I'm always going to lose someone or something right when I trust them or when I get close to them, my friend is moving and everyone is leaving me alone in the shadows I call my life.

*Winter*

*looks up with faded ey3z* oh.....by the way.....I'm probably going to leave.....that way everyone can be satisfied.......